A poor fit isn’t a personal failing

At 18, Sarah wanted to design bridal wear. She was artistic and creative, but her father told her she would never make a living doing that.

So she took a trainee receptionist job with a financial planner.

A young person with a flair for design working in an administrative role – what could possibly go wrong?

Well, she found it boring. But she really tried hard. She even took to making little additions to the office space to make it more aesthetically pleasing. The financial planners – not particularly excited about this contribution.

She didn’t get through probation. And she was devastated.

When I asked her if she’d enjoyed the work, she said no. When I asked why she felt so upset about losing that job, she told me her friend, Kristy, had a similar job and was succeeding in it. Sarah couldn’t understand why she hadn’t been able to do it too.

You can understand it. A friend looks like they’re ‘nailing it’, and their experience becomes the yardstick for your own. Before long, “That job didn’t work out” becomes “What’s wrong with me?”

Sarah was measuring herself against Kristy, without considering how little that comparison told her about herself or what she really wanted.

That’s why helping young people develop their own sense of who they are matters. Knowing what interests them, what they value and what they have to offer gives them something of their own to draw on when they’re looking at opportunities, now and into the future.

And this can especially helpful when things don’t go to plan.

As parents, we can help them notice those things when we have map to guide our thinking. If we consider the work activities of a receptionist in a financial planner’s office – and what we know about Sarah interests – we can see why it was probably going to be a struggle for her.

Sarah was finding ways to be creative even in a job she found boring. Her interest in design shone through, even though the financial planners weren’t quite the audience for it.

Being able to say “This is what interests me” is a useful part of figuring out “This is who I am.” It gives a young person a more useful frame than what others are doing. People who, most likely, won’t have the same work interests.

As it turns out, Kristy wasn’t all that engaged with her job either. She decided a life in Bali was more her thing. Sarah? Well, she got a job with a wedding dressmaker and eventually built a successful business doing work she loved.

Sarah and Kristy, not their real names.